"You Do Believe, Don't You?"

This question was recently posed to me by a complete stranger and was one of a handful of circumstances/occasions that got me thinking about the whole "believing" thing.

Let me back up and provide a little context.

I was raised in the Catholic religion. Baptized. Made my first communion. Make my first confession. Attended Catholic school for grades K-5, 7-12. I'd say around junior high, I "stopped" being a practicing Catholic. I no longer went to church on weekends (but went with school during the week). I started getting notes from my parents to get me out of going to confession with school. I wasn't confirmed. That's pretty much where we're at. I've been to mass for funerals, wedding, and a few holidays. I don't agree with a lot of Catholicism's rules.

That's where we are today and I haven't done a lot of questioning of my beliefs as an adult -- I've just kind of avoided it...until a seemingly innocent shopping trip...


It all started about a month or so ago when I was in Newbury Comics with stepdaughter Grace. She was there to buy some used horror movie DVDs. After roaming up and down the aisles (and pondering whether or not it was appropriate for a 40-year old to purchase a Strawberry Shortcake car air freshener -- and deciding it wasn't) I happened by the holiday CD section. Of late, I've been enamored of Josh Groban's music and decided to see if they had his Christmas CD, "Noel." Lo and behold, they had a used copy for a couple of bucks and I decided to purchase it.

I popped it into the CD player in my car and after listening to it in its entirety and remembering all of the Christmas songs that you forget during the year, I decided that track #5 was my favorite -- "Angels We Have Heard on High" -- a duet with Brian McKnight. You can here it here (from YouTube):

In case you're not familiar with the song (or don't want to watch the video to refresh your memory), here are the lyrics:
Angels we have on heard high
Sweetly singing o'er the plains
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains

Gloria in excelsis Deo
Gloria in excelsis Deo

Come to Bethlehem and see
Christ whose birth the angels sing
Come adore on bended knee
Christ the Lord the newborn King

Gloria in excelsis Deo
(Let us sing in excelsis Deo)
Gloria in excelsis Deo
Gloria in excelsis Deo

(Angels we have on heard high
Sweetly singing)

Gloria in excelsis Deo
Gloria in excelsis Deo
In excelsis Deo

Even though there's some Latin thrown in here, it's crystal clear that this is a religious song. It's about Jesus Christ's birth and the fact that he's the King/Savior.

My second favorite song? Track #13 -- "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" (with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.) Another religious song (in case you aren't familiar, the refrain states, "Oh, come, let us adore him."). Oh, and just in case you're wondering (which I'm guessing you're not), this song slid into second place after I was in the car listening to it with Grace and she so kindly reminded me that this is the song that Carol Brady sang when she got her voice back in the Brady Christmas special. (Which then led to the question, "Do you remember the Brady 500?") Being equated with the Brady Bunch is always going to lead to being in second, third, or last place in my mind.

OK...where was I?

As I identified these two songs as being my favorites on the CD, I then started to question if this was "appropriate." What I mean by that is that I'm not the most religious chick on the block (or to put it in the words of the stranger that asked me the question in the title of this blog post, "I'm no holy roller.")

Is it "OK" that even though I might not believe in the words of these two songs that I still like them?

Do I HAVE to believe in the lyrics to like them?

Can I just appreciate them for their artistic quality?

All of these questions started to pop into my head.

Fast forward to a few weeks after I bought the CD and had this bit of internal debate. I was at a memorial service for a co-worker's son. I hadn't driven to the church with any co-workers, so I sat down alone amongst strangers.

Stranger sitting next to me: "Do you attend this church?"
Me: "No."
Stranger (getting even stranger): "What church do you attend?"
Me (thinking what I really want to say is, "None of your beeswax."): "I don't attend church."
Stranger: "You do believe, don't you?"
Me (face getting redder by the second): "I have my own beliefs."
Stranger appears to be silenced by my response but then says, "I'm no holy roller myself."

After said weird exchange, the incredibly moving and emotional service began (the deceased was a young man in his early 30's with tons of friends and family), but all the while I couldn't help but thinking, "What do I believe in?" "Could I see myself attending this church (it was an Episcopal church)" "What does this church believe in?"

After this service, while my Mom was in town, I played the Josh Groban CD in the car and mentioned that I liked the two previously mentioned songs. I said I didn't think one had to necessarily believe in the words to enjoy the songs. She agreed with me and I didn't give it much more thought.

Fast forward to a short time later, while Christmas shopping. While browsing decorations and ornaments, I recognized that I've always loved manger scenes/creches. We always put one up in our house (with fake grass) around Christmas time - even after we stopped going to church. I especially am fond of the three wise men. My Nana handmade a set during the 70's ceramics fad that I couldn't take my eyes off of. They were tall, regal, brightly colored, and very intriguing.

So, while shopping this year, I found myself wanting to buy these types of religious scenes/decorations.

Interesting.

Lastly (and by no means least), the tragic events in Newtown, CT on December 14th where 27 lives were lost (20 of them children) caused me to ask myself the age old questions --

"Why do things like these happen?"
"If there is a higher power, why is he/she/it allowing these things to take place?"

I watched the father of one of the deceased children, Emilie Parker, speak so calmly and bravely shortly after the tragedy and he kept referring to his and his family's faith and how it would guide them through the darkness of the tragedy.

Not only was I amazed by this statement, but I started to wonder what would happen if I was to go through something as horrific? Should I immediately go out and "find" a religion so that I could be as level-headed as he was in the face of darkness? Are my own cobbled together beliefs enough? What ARE my cobbled together beliefs?

I realize that I'm sort of all over the map in this post, so I appreciate you reading this far. I'm not making any profound proclamations in this post, just saying that sometimes life's circumstances prompt you to evaluate your beliefs (formal, informal, cobbled together, etc...) and I think that this is healthy. Often times, it seems like people get defensive of their beliefs (or non-beliefs). I certainly don't think strangers should be asking one another about their beliefs, but if this rudeness prompts some deep thinking, well, then maybe it's not so bad.

I'll end on the wise words of the 80's band Journey --

"Don't Stop Believin'"

(Whatever it is that your beliefs are/aren't.)